5 Reasons Why You Should Own Your Mom Story
There’s never been a manual for how to be a mom. There certainly isn’t one on how to be a mom to adult children. Our families are all different, needs are different, timing or challenges arise differently. How could anyone possibly make a manual for all these variables?!
So then, why do we beat ourselves up over doing the best with what we have? One of my all time favorite researchers and thought leaders that has helped me evolve through so much is Brené Brown. She actually researches shame specifically. With all her experience and data, she teaches that shame does a pretty good job of convincing you that you’re alone. This keeps the cycle on repeat.
I went through some tough times parenting in a blended family. Just so you have the meat of the context, I raised 5 girls and 1 boy. They were between the ages of 5-10yrs and I helped to grow them through college. Even with the help of counseling and books, I continued to beat myself up. It wasn’t until I slowed down, found the courage to embrace my mom story, the person that I truly am, could I see things more clearly.
Did things go perfectly after that you ask? Hell to the NO! It took a bit for me to weed through all the shame. There are still days that I think, “Wow! I’m still alive AND I have beautiful relationships with my 3 biological daughters!”
What DID become better, stronger, and more everlasting in my life:
My relationship with myself
My relationship with my 3 adult children
My spiritual relationship
Embracing Your Mom Story
We’re not always proud of everything our children do, their whole story and journey, but we sure as heck love them! We introduce them as ours, we wish the best for them, we support them in different ways. We even start to dream about the type of spouse they deserve. We EMBRACE our children and their story.
Why is it so hard to embrace OUR OWN STORY and journey as their mom? After all, we’re the miraculous story maker that raised them.
What if you could be the most amazing mom to your adult children by embracing your own mom story?
What if you loved yourself better because you were proud of your own journey?
What if you put a hit back on shame and announced out loud, “I am not alone in my mom story!”
What if you became the hip, adventurous Grand Mom and your kids say “Who dat?!”
Five Reasons Why You Should Own Your Mom Story Like A Boss!
Reason #1: Survival Mode VS. Cruise Control
There is something to be said about survival mode. It comes in handy at times… like when you really need to survive something. Sadly, it is a mode we often tend to shift into as moms during the stressful times on the highway of life.
It begins when we lay our head down on the pillow at night, our heart sorting through the snapshots in our mind from the day’s events. There it is. Part of our mom story we’re not proud of. We refuse to love on it. It keeps poking its head out of the closet door opening. It follows us around each day defining our mood, our outlook, the chatter in our heads. The stressful cycle of survival mode begins again the next day making it hard to enjoy the ride of life.
Survival mode is the high-speed gear that allows us to pass by awkward communication and hard to feel feelings. You’re just trying to get through the next “thing” and thinking, “Surely other moms aren’t doing things as backward as I am”. Let me say it loud and clear again chica, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
You start to realize survival mode isn’t worth it. You begin to see that it rewards you our basic needs in the moment of that day, while tricking you at the same time. Hard to feel feelings are pushed out on your calendar to deal with later. Hours are spent beating yourself up about how you handled a parenting moment. Blah Blah Blah… But HOW DO YOU STOP LIVING IN SURVIVAL MODE?
Learning to own your mom story, loving on your journey, will negate the need for survival mode. This allows you the greatest reward. To put the day in productive, healthy cruise control, enjoying your kids. Imagine that!
Reason #2: You Realize What You Are Capable Of
Whatever your story, it reveals what your character is capable of and just how strong you are. Your story as a mom is no different. In fact, if I were to ask you to take ten minutes to write down ten things you are capable of as a mom, empty nester, or Grand Mom, I’m willing to bet you couldn’t put your pencil down when the timer goes off.
The qualities AND abilities that you carry around with you came from your day-to-day mom story and they have started to add up girlfriend! You’ve been banking those qualities and you haven’t even realized that you have an amazing savings account right about now.
You are capable. Even on the roughest day of your Mom story there’s the reminder (albeit way back a few hundred pages) that you’ve done some tough shit. You’re still alive and you made it through. It hits you. You are capable to achieve whatever you must, to keep moving forward, to put dinner on the table, to love others, to get to work, to get the kids off to school, college, or move them out of the dang house even!
There within your own Mom story lies the key to your safe deposit box. The box that holds your super power.
Your story, however backwards it feels some days, is like no other. Your individual qualities stack and arrange over time. They grow upon each other, shining a light on what you are capable of. Open your safe deposit box and rejoice. Have a freakin’ party! Your story is worth recapturing.
Reason #3: Your Close Relationships Get Stronger or Not
This one can be a bittersweet reason. This one is a very powerful truth. Are you ready? The relationships closest to you may become closer or father away. Are you strong enough to handle either?
Those that are closest to us may not be ready themselves for what’s about to happen. But I tell you my friend, once you own your mom story, this reason really does become a powerful beautiful truth.
The change that happens in your heart towards your mom story transcends outwardly. Your body language, your facial expressions, even the words that pop forward to meet the tip of your tongue. It’s amazing and people take notice. Others will feel inclined to take different action towards you and your new vibe.
Loved ones may be skeptical at first. They may not even understand but forget about that!! Notice the two exclamation points there. I mean it. Stay focused on owning and loving YOUR story. Don’t focus on what others think your mom story should be. They got their own story going on that’s pretty cool too. It won’t serve you in MOVING FORWARD if your mind is always stuck BACK in someone else’s business. So, “Let it beeee Let it be! Let it beee Let it be!”
You are strong and capable now. Remember? You can look back at the mountains you’ve climbed, skied, jumped, or fallen over and you’ve banked some righteous qualities and lived to tell about your so called backward journey. Own the awesomeness of it and lets have some fun!
Reason #4: Your Hair Doesn’t Fall Out
The jewel of the Nile. The crown upon your head. Yes, I’m literally talking about your hair. Us ladies love our hair! Through time, culture, generations, hair helps to tell our story. We dress it up. We grow it out. We flip, we wash, we tease. We flatter ourselves and others with our hair. We look back at pictures over the years. Our hairstyles help to tell our story.
I’m so lucky to be gifted with my middle daughter who, as one of her professions is a beautician. I tip her well! She teaches me how to love my hair more and better. I tend to be lazy about its care but as I age I’ve noticed how my story has played out on the crown of my head.
It’s also s known medical fact that stress wreaks havoc on our bodies. Hair can be one of the first things to go. Take this as a warning sign to check in with your mom story. Is your hair literally falling out? What’s the next chapter of your story that needs some attention? Is it exercise, food plan, hormones? Own that part of your story that’s gnawing away at your follicles. Ultimately this could even save you some money. No need to buy a wig or extra products when you take time to love on your mom story.
Block out some time on your calendar to remind yourself how important you and your mom story are!
Reason #5: Coffee Tastes Better
I know most of us mom’s love coffee so you’re probably not surprised to see this reason on the list. But you will be surprised when I tell you that I’ve switched to decaf! It has helped my hair to stop falling out. It tastes great so stop freaking out already! In fact lots of things just taste better. This isn’t a new idea. It’s an age old one.
When you avoid your story, you can lose the desire of smell and taste. But when you sit down with yourself before the day has begun and begin to own your mom story, backwards and forwards, one page at a time, lots of things taste and smell better. When you meet your besty for a cup of Joe at your favorite hangout and chew on your mom chapters together, ground beans waft all around urging you on.
When you are loud and proud about your mom story (ok, maybe sometimes just proud), everything around you is also loud and proud. Things look better, smell better, and taste better.
I don’t know about you, but I definitely want my morning cup of coffee to continue to taste great. Especially because I need to keep tricking my brain with decaf!
A Backward Thought
One of the definitions of the word backward is “to move away from one’s front, in the direction of ones back”. Do you have your own back?
Try loving your own Mom story for one week and notice just how you start having your own back. For Example, sticking to your previously planned schedule and saying no to others, speaking kind words to yourself. Then notice how your back slowly becomes stronger to carry you through the rest of your amazing story
Oh one last thing! Don’t forget to cheer on your girlfriend next to you and remind her, “You are NOT alone!”
