The Empty Nest Syndrome
Do we honestly need a freakin’ syndrome to define us?!
While the Empty Nest Syndrome is very real for some parents, living in an empty nest TRULY IS a season that is meant to be FUN FOR ALL OF US! The fun begins with the knowledge that you now get to choose your own adventure. It’s here, at this point I remind my ski client moms that they get to chose their ski run. Nobody else. It’s their choice which run they slide down the mountain on.
Top 2 Reasons This Syndrome Is Taking Over
The Mayo Clinic came up with this Empty Nest Syndrome BUT they remind us that it is not a disease, rather A PHENOMENON. Really, what is a phenomenon though? Why does this syndrome or phenomenon has so much power over our feelings? Our reality?
I don’t know about you, but seven years ago I wasn’t ready to settle for a “phenomenon” to take over my life OR watch it take over the lives of my girlfriends. I was ready to LIVE my ADVENTURES and RECAPTURE my STORY!
I dug a little deeper. I pulled the word “phenomenon” apart until there was no rock unturned and I knew exactly what I was dealing with. I could finally understand what I had been talking about with girlfriends over coffee. All those feelings of uncertainty, excitement mixed with anxiety. Nervous energy that can’t sit still, but at the same time feels safe when contained in a chair holding a glass of something…
It hit me once I realized these two things about my empty nest phenomenon. It was simple, yet it was going to take some good old fashion elbow grease to conquer these TWO OBSTACLE’S with MY MIND.
Oxford defines “phenomenon” as two very distinct things:
#1 A situation that is observed
“a fact or situation that is observed to exist or happen, especially one whose cause or explanation is in question”
Houston! We have a SITUATION! Did you note the last part of that sentence? “…fact, situation, explanation is in question.”
Our fact is, we have an empty nest. Our mind is thinking all these thoughts about that fact. Questioning this explanation of our circumstances. OUR MIND. That’s all. No big deal, right?
The mind is a powerful tool we use every day. We know this. We’re smart cookies! But we often take for granted all the scenarios of our life that we immediately turn over to our mind. We then let our brain chose whatever thoughts it immediately has about that situation. Which in this case is usually some crazy ass thoughts of loneliness, loss of purpose, boredom, even depression.
AND THEN OUR EMOTIONS FLOOD IN. Yikes!
Back up the truck! What if WE DELIBERATELY start choosing what our mind IS going to think about our situation observed, our circumstances as an empty nester? No longer will our brain be on automatic pilot down a road of questioning and fear. We be driving the dang thing! And baby, we’re goin’ places!
#2 A remarkable event
“a remarkable person, thing, or event.”
First of all, YOU are a remarkable person! Sit in that thought for a moment.
Take some time to build yourself up as an empty nester parent. Remembering all those late nights up with the baby, then late nights finishing school projects, your family taxi cab service hours, brow sweat over the kitchen stove, steps clocked with the vacuum or stroller at your side, and all those calories burned as a certified professional mom at the lectern. You ARE A REMARKABLE MOM who is now entering another REMARKABLE EVENT.
It’s time to flip your current thoughts about your empty nest event around. Let’s look at it backward. Different from the way that you’ve been looking at it up to now. Open the blinds, let s little sunshine flow into this event. Are you starting to see the sparkle? The promise? The remarkability of this event? Are you starting to find different ways, thoughts, sentences to apply to this amazing event that is unfolding in your life?
This thought work is the elbow grease I was referring to. It seems too simple but yet the mind is a tough thing to harness.
A Backward Thought
What if you got a little crazy here? Taking the opportunity to reignite adventure in your life…
Write down three things your young adult child would never guess you would ever do or sign up for. Now, out of those three things, pick one. Research and go! Let your adventure begin.
BONUS: At the next family meet up, YOUR adventure might just be the talk of the table! Think of how this might feel inside of your body instead of how you feel when you “live through” your child’s adventures. How empowering, right?! Think of how proud, safe, and secure your adult child will feel knowing their mom has got it goin’ on and she is THRIVING!
One of my daughters recently told me that she experienced jealousy when she saw me out reigniting my adventure. Imagine that?! Our adult kids jealous of us!
